Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
