a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
