I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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