I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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