It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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