i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
