she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize