You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
