At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
