walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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