doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
