my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
