My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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