just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I checked into jail on foursquare
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
