I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
