Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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