hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think your dad took our porno
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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