the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
