i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
