You smell like a Billy Joel song
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
