Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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