Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
