i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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