Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize