I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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