i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
