One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We have started to decorate penises.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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