If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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