if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
