Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
