Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
