I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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