I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
