I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
