I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
