I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
