Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
