And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
