i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize