you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The air taste purple.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
