Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
