He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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