okay pat passed out under dana's car
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
