You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
