it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize