I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
