I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize