Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
