Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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