Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
