Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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