NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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