I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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