Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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