so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
