No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
