I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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