how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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