hotel room ftw
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize