first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
