All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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