If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
